Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Standing In Love

💕February 25 2017💕

This date will forever be special to me for two reasons: In 2003, on this exact date and four days after my birthday, my father passed away after an intense war with brain cancer. This war was something serious because it consumed so much of the man I knew and loved deeply. His basic functioning--feeding himself, seeing, walking, speaking in coherent sentences and much more--started to diminish. It was in these times that I grew more fond of him because somehow I felt he needed me. In my child-like mind I would walk behind him when he had to climb the stairs just so I could catch him if he was going to fall. I would sit on the dining table with him and feed him because his hand-eye cordination was zero. I would sit in his study with him and read Bible passages to his hearing because even when sight failed him, he insisted on having his morning devotions (complete with writing down revelations he received along the way). I would watch my "superman daddy" write in-between, over, under, and everywhere but between the lines of his devotional book. He held his God close, because God is love. He stood in this truth, and so did his faith even in adversity. 

The most dear and precious memory I have of my father during this whole ordeal was we would have moments where I would lay in bed beside him and just hold his hands. No words, but hands. Hands, because there was a unique bond and love. Hands, because nothing else seemed more natural. Hands, because somehow, my little heart felt a little better and somewhere on the other side of the rainbow I felt hope. Hands, because love. We would intertwine fingers and just lay there. It was and still is incredibly special to me. I am reminded of Isaiah 41:13 "For I hold you by your right hand--I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, 'Don't be afraid. I am here to help you." Daddy was love-and he stood tall in my eyes till there was no more fight left.

Fast-forward to fourteen years after. On this exact date in 2017, I made a vow to love. I stood before family, friends, well-wishers and God to commit to stand in love forever with another man. I am a very deliberate person (or I like to think) and so everything I do, I am clear-minded about. For this reason, I am uncomfortable with the term "fall in love." Why fall? Falling means it wasn't planned or intentional. On the other hand, what happens when I rise from the fall? Will I still be there? Or I will try to correct the "mistake" that was the fall? I don't know, but I don't need to. 

Standing gives me more peace because I know I can't ever excuse "falling" along the way. Standing, because like Ecclesiastes 4:12 (A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer) I know together we will have strength to wage any war or adversity that will come. Standing, because from this position, we can walk and run, and even fly together if we so choose. (You can't walk or run from the position of a fall can you? I didn't think so either). Standing, because each day I wake up, I want to "clear-mindedly," deliberately and "focusedly" choose him, choose him, and choose him some more. Being married for exactly 39 days now, I have seen a lot of my father in him, and truly I can whole-heartedly agree "girls marry their fathers."  This is my case at least. 

Before we courted, one of the things that allowed me go into a relationship with him, was the fact that he reminded me a lot of my father. A quiet, gentle but strong spirit that carried a presence. It was love to me, and still is. I can stand on the rooftop and shout it out boldly that I have been priviledged to love two amazing men in my life. My daddy taught me what love is from how he treated my mother, and it strongly imprinted in my mind the kind of love to anticipate. Mummy said, "People are constantly tasting and experiencing you."

I seemingly lost love in February, but the awesome God that He is restored love to me in February.

Favor A.